A 70th Wedding Anniversary!
Charlie and Lucy Hammond, members of the Pine Island Presbyterian Church, were married on June 18, 1949. Everytime I visit them in their apartment at Story Point in Portage, I find them sitting next to each other on their love seat sofa with Jet (I think I have the name right) their dog between them. Last week when I visited and mentioned their upcoming anniversary, Charlie thought it was 69 years. I said, "Do the math. This is your 70th!" Time flies when you're in love.
I visited again on the 18th to mark this special occasion with them, but found their apartment door propped open, a cleaning cart in the hallway, and a housekeeper cleaning their apartment. I said hello. She said "They are out." I said, "Wonderful! It's their wedding anniversary. I bet they are celebrating with their daughters, who are often here when I visit. Did you know this is their 70th?" Her face lit up with wonder and joy. "No, I'm so glad you told me. Aren't they something!" I left a card on the table and left.
Signing out at the front desk, moments after signing in, I explained to the receptionist, "Hi, I was here to see the Hammonds. They are out, I suppose with their daughters. Did you know that today is their 70th wedding anniversary?" "No!" she said, her face lighting up like a light bulb with delight. "We try to get that information. I'm soooo glad you told me." I felt like an angel messenger bringing good news of joy!
The joyful responses of these two Story Point employees, both young women, inspired this blog post. How often do we know people who have spent 70 years together in marriage and who still witness to an obvious binding love and affection for each other. We all know too many marriages which have ended in the heartbreak of divorce. Today, many young adults delay marriage, choosing to live together to make sure they don't make the mistakes of their parents, or wait until they can afford a wedding. Seventy years ago, many weddings took place in the pastor's study. If there was a reception, it was in the church basement, ham and cheese sandwiches and fruit punch prepared by the women's association and cake. The couple would drive off in a car decorated with streamers, just married sign on the back with a bunch of cans tied to the back bumper dragging along behind and with couple of dollars in their pocket. Couples then, did not wait until they had enough money for big party and honeymoon. Rather, they committed themselves to each other and trusted facing their future together. Charlie and Lucy were married when he was still a student at U of M. Lucy had a teaching position in Saline a few miles south of Ann Arbor where they lived. They lived on her teaching salary, $200 a month. Charlie hitch hiked to classes.
Seventy years ago couples married young and not every marriage of that era lasted. BUT thanks be to God for the love Charlie and Lucy have shared through the years and for their witness. Couples today so often have lived together years before they marry, to be sure, to save enough money for a wedding, if they ever do get around to it, thinking marriage is not important.
Gay couples, who once were banned from marriage, know otherwise. When in the ICU, parents or other family members are turned to for decisions not an unmarried partner. When the state decides what happens to an estate without a will, the unmarried partner is not an automatic recipient. Once I officiated a wedding of a couple from England who had been living together for 25 years. The year before they had visited the resort community where I served, and the bride had a gallbladder attack. This medical emergency in a foreign country was a nightmare. They survived, but got to thinking, what if.... It was a memorable wedding, as they each had tears in their eyes as they said their vows to each other. Vows of love, living a committed life together is special. The church marks the rite.
The institution of marriage has meant different things at different times. Royal families consolidated power with a marriage. Prior to the industrial revolution in an agrarian culture and then farming culture of early America, marriage was about survival. A farm needed the effort of husband in the barn and fields, and the wife in the home and garden to make life work. They created a home and wealth together. If either one died or were disabled, the farm was at risk. Only with the industrial revolution when men left the farm and home to go to the factory did the concept of breadwinner for the husband emerge. He went outside the family to bring back support and wealth. Not surprising that in 1849, at the beginning of the Victorian Era, when women's role was skewed to fancy, frivolous things, that woman gathered in Waterloo, New York, and demanded the right to vote and respect. Then after World War 2 when women were sent back home, after going in numbers to work in factories to support the war effort, women sought something more in marriage than survival. If there was no love, why stay in a broken marriage? And if there was abuse, even the church learned to help women get to a safe place.
The institution of marriage is a building block of society, giving a solid foundation for family and community. But the purpose of marriage has shifted in modern society. If there is no love in a marriage, particularly if there is arrogant bullying and violent abuse, marriages fail and end. Sometimes parents become better parents of their children once separated from their former spouse than when they were together. And sometimes those former partners are better friends. The purpose of marriage is a loving, supportive relationship. Such love and support must grow and evolve through the different seasons of a couple's life, must endure and deepen through life's challenges and scars.
David Brooks, in his book "The Road to Character" writes about love. "Love is submission, not decision. Love demands that you make a poetic surrender to an inexplicable power without counting the cost. Love asks you to discard conditional thinking and to pour out your love in full force and not measure it by tablespoons. It crystallizes your vision so that, as Stendhal put it, your beloved shimmers like a sparkling jewel." (p. 172)
We don't have many long lasting marriages as examples today. Thanks be to God for this blessed couple. Seventy years and counting! Still sitting on the love seat together.
I visited again on the 18th to mark this special occasion with them, but found their apartment door propped open, a cleaning cart in the hallway, and a housekeeper cleaning their apartment. I said hello. She said "They are out." I said, "Wonderful! It's their wedding anniversary. I bet they are celebrating with their daughters, who are often here when I visit. Did you know this is their 70th?" Her face lit up with wonder and joy. "No, I'm so glad you told me. Aren't they something!" I left a card on the table and left.
Signing out at the front desk, moments after signing in, I explained to the receptionist, "Hi, I was here to see the Hammonds. They are out, I suppose with their daughters. Did you know that today is their 70th wedding anniversary?" "No!" she said, her face lighting up like a light bulb with delight. "We try to get that information. I'm soooo glad you told me." I felt like an angel messenger bringing good news of joy!
The joyful responses of these two Story Point employees, both young women, inspired this blog post. How often do we know people who have spent 70 years together in marriage and who still witness to an obvious binding love and affection for each other. We all know too many marriages which have ended in the heartbreak of divorce. Today, many young adults delay marriage, choosing to live together to make sure they don't make the mistakes of their parents, or wait until they can afford a wedding. Seventy years ago, many weddings took place in the pastor's study. If there was a reception, it was in the church basement, ham and cheese sandwiches and fruit punch prepared by the women's association and cake. The couple would drive off in a car decorated with streamers, just married sign on the back with a bunch of cans tied to the back bumper dragging along behind and with couple of dollars in their pocket. Couples then, did not wait until they had enough money for big party and honeymoon. Rather, they committed themselves to each other and trusted facing their future together. Charlie and Lucy were married when he was still a student at U of M. Lucy had a teaching position in Saline a few miles south of Ann Arbor where they lived. They lived on her teaching salary, $200 a month. Charlie hitch hiked to classes.
Seventy years ago couples married young and not every marriage of that era lasted. BUT thanks be to God for the love Charlie and Lucy have shared through the years and for their witness. Couples today so often have lived together years before they marry, to be sure, to save enough money for a wedding, if they ever do get around to it, thinking marriage is not important.
Gay couples, who once were banned from marriage, know otherwise. When in the ICU, parents or other family members are turned to for decisions not an unmarried partner. When the state decides what happens to an estate without a will, the unmarried partner is not an automatic recipient. Once I officiated a wedding of a couple from England who had been living together for 25 years. The year before they had visited the resort community where I served, and the bride had a gallbladder attack. This medical emergency in a foreign country was a nightmare. They survived, but got to thinking, what if.... It was a memorable wedding, as they each had tears in their eyes as they said their vows to each other. Vows of love, living a committed life together is special. The church marks the rite.
The institution of marriage has meant different things at different times. Royal families consolidated power with a marriage. Prior to the industrial revolution in an agrarian culture and then farming culture of early America, marriage was about survival. A farm needed the effort of husband in the barn and fields, and the wife in the home and garden to make life work. They created a home and wealth together. If either one died or were disabled, the farm was at risk. Only with the industrial revolution when men left the farm and home to go to the factory did the concept of breadwinner for the husband emerge. He went outside the family to bring back support and wealth. Not surprising that in 1849, at the beginning of the Victorian Era, when women's role was skewed to fancy, frivolous things, that woman gathered in Waterloo, New York, and demanded the right to vote and respect. Then after World War 2 when women were sent back home, after going in numbers to work in factories to support the war effort, women sought something more in marriage than survival. If there was no love, why stay in a broken marriage? And if there was abuse, even the church learned to help women get to a safe place.
The institution of marriage is a building block of society, giving a solid foundation for family and community. But the purpose of marriage has shifted in modern society. If there is no love in a marriage, particularly if there is arrogant bullying and violent abuse, marriages fail and end. Sometimes parents become better parents of their children once separated from their former spouse than when they were together. And sometimes those former partners are better friends. The purpose of marriage is a loving, supportive relationship. Such love and support must grow and evolve through the different seasons of a couple's life, must endure and deepen through life's challenges and scars.
David Brooks, in his book "The Road to Character" writes about love. "Love is submission, not decision. Love demands that you make a poetic surrender to an inexplicable power without counting the cost. Love asks you to discard conditional thinking and to pour out your love in full force and not measure it by tablespoons. It crystallizes your vision so that, as Stendhal put it, your beloved shimmers like a sparkling jewel." (p. 172)
We don't have many long lasting marriages as examples today. Thanks be to God for this blessed couple. Seventy years and counting! Still sitting on the love seat together.
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